by trymlg
In the post published by artra on the 25th of september 2019, artra early on maps his chosen subject in the Fashion Design-sector, telling us about Virgil Abloh’s designs which is consisting of a mix between streetwear and luxury wear. Artra does not explain Abloh’s design, but lets us know that both the process and design is very innovative. Artra tells us that Abloh used to work as Kanye West’s stylist, making a point of designers expanding roles in this age of time.
Combining both streetwear and luxury wear, Abloh obviously must have a different business model than many other designers, even though Artra has not commented on this. Abloh demonstrates value through quality and luxury, and has in newer times been copied by others such as Heron Preston, who attempts to walk down the same road.
What I see is that Artra has not used any photos or illustrations for this submission, which is something the post should have. I would have used two or three photos showing the reader some of the designs of Virgil Abloh, giving us a vision of how innovative his design actually is.
The word count of this particular submission is no more than 293 words, meaning it is a little bit short. The post ends rather quickly, leaving me thinking that Artra really should have taken advantage of the 200 words *he had to spare. I would like to have learnt more about the design, assuring me that in fact is great and innovative design (artra should have taken a look on the 10 amendments for great design). I was made aware that Virgil Abloh recently did a collaboration with professionals from another discipline (IKEA), that I think would be great to mention here.
Also, the post does not contain a topical hook. It only consists of the brand name and the word “design”, which is a rather weak headline. A topical hook containing a detail from his design would be dearly appreciated.
The text had a good start, but I am left with the feeling that I just read a summary from Wikipedia. The text does not any information about the actual design, which I think should be the focus of the text. The text is too short, doesn’t have a good topical hook and contains no pictures.
(task 3: In response to a text (portfolio submission) previously published by your assigned student, write a commentary. Use the subject as a starting point and link to something from the syllabus. (For further information on writing commentary texts, see ‘Additional information on portfolio assignments and exam H2019.doc’)
Making sense of art and design industries 